


My Safety Net

by YuMe89



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, POV Lydia Martin, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26000908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YuMe89/pseuds/YuMe89
Summary: Hey!I wanted to try something different to my usual writing. It's still Sterek, because, duh.Though it's from Lydia's perspective, her thoughts and feelings about it.Might hurt a bit...so, sorry?Let me know if you liked it! Or not...either way is fine, I guess.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Lydia Martin/Stiles Stilinski, Natalie Martin/Sheriff Stilinski
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	My Safety Net

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!  
> I wanted to try something different to my usual writing. It's still Sterek, because, duh.  
> Though it's from Lydia's perspective, her thoughts and feelings about it.  
> Might hurt a bit...so, sorry?
> 
> Let me know if you liked it! Or not...either way is fine, I guess.

  


  
You didn't see it at first. Didn't want to, although nothing ever get's past you, not you. This, _this had been a surprise_ , but you know it wasn't really. If you were honest with yourself, you would admit you kind of knew from the start. But that would mean you had to admit defeat. You hate to lose.  


It's not about losing, but at the same time it is.

There were small things, moments, glances that shouldn't have such a heavy meaning behind them, but they do. They always do and you should have known. It wasn't the first time and you hate yourself for overlooking a major change between the two of you.  


Then again, you were both so distracted at College, there was simply not enough time to actually stand still and look at it. The little patch of skin you kept scratching, it itched and _itched_ no matter how bloody your nails came away. But you still didn't look and that, _that's your own fault._  


But he was safe. He loved you for a little over a decade, there was just no way he would...stop.

It's not fair to think like that, you know it and you want to berate yourself, but you're angry too. At him, at yourself and especially the person who intervened into your relationship.  


Though, did he really, or were you the one snatching Stiles away at the right moment?

It's not about the distance, MIT and GWU is not that far away from one another, it should've worked. If logic could be applied to this. It can't, because it's about your heart and his and the other ones. You don't want to think about that persons name.  


Stiles is standing right in front of you now, looking so guilty and heartbroken. What right does he have to look like this? "I'm sorry." he says and you know he means it. So earnest and sad.  


"You didn't have to come all the way here to break up with me." you tell him, playing stern, although you appreciate it. He's not a coward and he doesn't hide his real feelings in front of you. Did he ever?  


Yes. You know he did. And you know the moment you should have not looked away, should've not laughed at their banter. You thought it was cute. The two of them. Now it nauseates you. It had been so obvious in hindsight.  


"I owe it to you," Stiles says and looks away from you, as you hastily swipe at the damn tears. "To do this in person." He once said you looked beautiful while crying, now he couldn't stand seeing you like this.

"I could scream your head off." you tell him, feeling anger rise within yourself. Anger is good, it doesn't hurt so much when it washes over the open wound Stiles created.

You see him swallow hard and then muster a smile. "I know, but you won't use your powers for evil, Lydia. You're not like that."

"You don't know me, when I'm heartbroken.", you counter, take in with satisfaction that you striked the right nerve. You know it wasn't his intention, but still. You're only human.

"That's not true. I was there when Jackson broke up with you and when Aiden died." he tells you, but you know he would never actually get how much it hurts you.

"You're different. This doesn't compare." you say to him and you see the moment he interprets it wrong. Of course, with Stiles self-esteem issues, he would take the easy road and see himself as less harmful to you. Even though he's so wrong.  


Jackson was a knife to your heart. Aiden a slight flesh wound, festering while you mourned his death. Stiles though? Stiles nuked your heart. All the while looking like it hurt him just as much.  


If you could scream for your own heart, you wouldn't stop any time soon, maybe never. You're not going to tell him this.

"Of course," he says, eyes cast downwards. You can see unshed tears. "I know I have no right to ask-"

"Then don't." you cut him off.

"But could we still...be friends?" he finished, his expression sheepish, because that was just like him. Tell him **No** and he does it, tell him **Yes** and he won't. Contradictive little shit. You even loved that side of him.  


Why did you ever think he was safe?

Even though you know why, you still ask yourself, because what are you supposed to do? Suck it up and get on with your life? _Probably._ You don't feel like you're able to do so just yet.  


"Stiles. I love you. I am still _in love_ with you. I don't think you get how impossible it is for me to stay friends with you," you say and see him flinch. "I thought you were my last." not able to keep it in you whisper and he hides his face in his elbow, wiping the tears that were sliding down his cheeks. You know you don't look any better, but you're the slightest bit happy his expression is just as broken as you feel right now.  


"I did too," he says, swallowing his sob, but you still notice it. "You were the first person I loved and I thought there would never be anybody else."

"How could this even happen?" you ask against your better judgment. "You never really saw each other. When did you even have the time to look his way and change your opinion of him so drastically?" Now you just want to set off another bomb within yourself. It's the only explanation for this kind of question. This kind of masochism is usually not your style.  


"I don't know," Stiles admits to you with a shrug. "We talked a lot. Sometimes he was in New York and came around to my dorm on his way back. It wasn't some huge eye opening moment. One day I just woke up and...knew." You don't like the sound of it. Not at all. It was exactly what you expected to hear.  


"Does he know how you feel?" you're sure they already hit it off, why else would he even be here and break up with you? There was no way he wouldn't do this without a safety net.  


"No," Stiles says, scratching his jaw the way he does when he's feeling uneasy. God, all those little things you know about him will one day be meaningless to you. Hopefully forgotten, but probably not. You still know everything about Jackson and you tried _so hard_ to forget about him. You weren't good for each other, but he was your first boyfriend, no matter how it ended, you don't forget your first. "I'm not that kind of person to start a relationship while still being in another."  


You knew, of course, but the bitter part of you was rearing its ugly head and demanding attention, wants to be let out and bite. "You don't know if he feels the same, do you?" you ask, giving in to hurting Stiles just a little. Enough, going by the look on his face.  


His cheeks flush the way you always found endearing. You can't just stop having feelings about it and you despise it. "I don't." he says then, sounding for all the world defeated. Like he doesn't think he even had a chance.  


Then why was he breaking up with you, if he wasn't sure to get the person he fell in love with? To you it doesn't make sense, it's not the way you operate. If it doesn't benefit you, it's not a good choice.  


That's the difference between you and Stiles, above all else, he follows his heart, even if it ends in it being broken.

You don't want to tell him, give him hope, but you know Derek loves him too. The way he looked at Stiles was always too obvious. Even though you ignored it time and time again. Ignorance is bliss.  


Stiles was a safe bet. There was no way he would reciprocate whatever Derek felt. At least that's what you thought. You had been wrong and you hate being wrong. Even more than getting dumped.  


You look away from him, suddenly very aware that you are wearing one of his shirts. You had chosen it for comfort, because you had missed him. Now you're going to hate him for making you miss him on top of everything else.  


Maybe you should've called him more often, maybe then Derek wouldn't have gotten the chance to talk to Stiles so much. "You should tell him. Soon even." you say, going against yourself. In your peripheral sight, you notice him nod jerkily.  


You want him to leave right this second, because there's nothing else to say. You want to watch The Notebook and pass your tears up for a perfectly normal reaction to the tear-jerker scenes you've probably seen more than anyone else on this planet.  


He surprises you, as he takes your wrist in hand and tugs you softly towards him, against his chest. Into his waiting arms. Your face is wet with tears, something you only notice, because you smush it to his sweater, feeling the material cling to your cheek.  


His embrace still feels so good. Stiles hugs were like magic and you hate the thought that you won't get one of those after today. You hear him apologize over and over again, while he rocks you slowly.  


It's a good thing you're not in a dorm. Bless your mom for getting a nice apartment for you. A place you could hide from every other student on campus.  


You want him to hurt, you want him to be happy. But you wanted to be happy too and now he hurt you.

"Even if you never want to see me again, I will still be your friend, I will always pick up when you call, Lydia. Anytime." he tells you when you two part, right before he leaves you. And you hate how much you love him for saying this, because you know he means every word. This stupidly loyal idiot.  


"Thank you." you reply, voice thick with emotions and heavy with meaning. _For loving me, for telling me to be myself, for saving me, for not giving up on me, for not discarding me, for being my friend,_ you didn't say, but you don't have to.  


You don't keep track of him, too occupied with yourself and your pain. You concentrate on your exams and it hurts less, when you write up formulas or discuss different topics with your professors in class.  


In the blink of an eye, you realize it's summer break and head home. Your mom is dating the Sheriff now and that's the only reason you find out about _them._ Your mom had given Noah a second chance and they seemed to hit it off this time. Probably the absence of supernatural activity or threats.  


It was a slip of the tongue, but your mom asked Noah at dinner, how the new apartment came along and if Stiles had decided what color his and Derek's bedroom should be now. Apparently there was a disagreement. She hadn't meant to be insensitive, just curious, you know that and you can see it in her widened eyes, so you smile slightly and ask: "They're moving in together?" You're just polite.  


"It wasn't easy, since they argue a lot, but it works for them," Noah told you, a smile on his lips, he likes them together, that much is clear. The thing is, you can picture it just fine. They had always been like an old couple, bickering about who had left the coffee machine switched on this time. "It helps that Stiles will be at College for another year, before settling back here in Beacon Hills."  


You want to ask, if they're happy, but at the same time you don't want anyone to answer. You're doing fine, so there's no reason for you to destroy your own mental health again, because your ex-boyfriend is in a happy relationship.  


Dinner went by smoothly after this, neither of them talking about Stiles or Derek or their obvious relationship. You're grateful the Sheriff doesn't ask how you're doing, but then again, he was probably able to see it in your eyes.  


Of course, you forget that Stiles is in town too and there is a chance of running into him. You wished you would've just run into him alone and not both of them.  


Okay, technically neither of them saw you yet, as you ducked back behind the clothes rack at Macy's. They're holding hands and smiling at each other in a way that makes you ache. He had never looked at you like that. You tell yourself every relationship is different to cushion the blow.  


You watch on as Derek ducks his head down just a little, since they're almost the same height and you know they are about to kiss, so you look away and involuntarily catch sight of a dress that reminds you of your Winter Formal years ago at High School.  


Suddenly, you miss Allison even more than usual.

You're not going to cry in a Macy's, so you take a deep breath and go on with your life. Despite the hollow ache in your chest, you smile at the cute guy who is checking you out. Stiles deserves to be happy, so does Derek. But you do too.  


You were bitten, used, lost your mind, strangled, someone drilled a hole into your head, invaded your memories with claws and _death stole your best friend_. You'll live, you always do. And while you're at it, you're getting this fucking Field Medal.  


You're Lydia Martin, you can do anything without safety nets.

  


  


**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, sorry, had to throw in Allison, because...why not?  
> They were bffs, of course Lydia misses her. Especially at those times. 
> 
> hugs&love


End file.
